


Cock Slut Stiles

by baeberiibungh



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Asscrack worthy Crack, Crack, I don't have a fucking clue, Lemme repeat that:no sex, M/M, No Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5646625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeberiibungh/pseuds/baeberiibungh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles just loves those cock going all cock – a – doodle – do!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cock Slut Stiles

Hello there, hello everyone, I am a big cock slut and this is my crib. As you may notice that my weather vane is a huge cock, made of thin metal sheet and it clangs so much that no dog will come near it. Also, my house is shaped like a cock too. The rooster comb acts as a great hanging out place so long as you don’t mine the screaming weather vane. All my live cock loves the big cock and should it go too screamy, they will always join in!

What, I am talking too loud? Well, hearing loss from screaming cocks will do that to you. The hind legs of this cock shaped house is perfect for a sundeck even though it is just mud that side, mud and chicken poop. Not coop man, poop. Did you know chicken like shit all the time, all the fucking time? Yes they do, you are literally stepping in their shit where ever they go, but I love them and so haven’t killed them right off yet.

This is my bathroom, with a shower that is thinner than a cock’s neck and my bathtub that is weirdly proportioned that stands on clawed cock feet. And it skids every now and then, just peaches. What, you are hungry? Let me get you some tofu fingers. I love cocks too much to eat them I tell you, so I eat only beef and tofu. I have eaten them repeatedly enough to kill off all of my taste buds.

This is my kitchen, coloured the exact red of a cock comb and if you watch it too long your eyes feel like they are bleeding. This section here has actually been plastered with chicken feathers that have gone bad like years ago and fuck man, yes I said I am a cock slut, but....

A ginormous bang issues from outside.

Stiles runs outside with the crib people in the wake, tears streaming on their face for the cocks do scream bloody murder loud enough to drive anyone half deaf. 

A man is sitting astride a large wolf, shining armour four sizes too big that make him sway on his seat, but Stiles needs no introduction. It is Derek Hale, who promised a summer ago to rescue Stiles from his cock slut house. Without harming any of the cocks Stiles loved so much. Derek pulled a cannon right out of his too big armour and shot the cock weathervane off the roof. 

As if a magic spell had been lifted, the house suddenly rearranged their dimensions so that it was a simple square house once again. Derek threw off his helmet, pulled all the left over chainmail and flew to Stiles. The crib people jumped back for Derek looked delirious and very very heavy. He fell on Stiles and Stiles fell down on the cocks that were suddenly standing behind him.

There was a loud crow and the cocks turned into children so it was a good thing that Stiles never ate them and both Derek and Stiles took the children to their homes to reunite with their family.

Some were taken back, some were missing and those that no longer knew who they were, Stiles took them into his perfectly square house and they lived happily ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know, *sob sob*. Unbetaed. Comments and kudos maybe?


End file.
